It's complicated...

Remember that wedding in Mexico I planned for a full year before waking up one morning and realizing that I didn't want to get married in Mexico and I wanted to do it right here in Austin, Texas in the place nearest and dearest to my and my husband's hearts? And then I called the UT Alumni Center and got my date reserved and then let everyone else know and the whole thing turned out to be perfect? Yeah, it's kinda like that.

This morning, I woke up and drove to San Antonio with the intention of firming things up with my plastic surgeon for my surgery on the 18th. Instead, he dropped the bomb on me that he wasn't so sure that the tissue reconstruction I wanted would work for me afterall, and maybe I should start considering other options. And then my breast surgeon called with some great news but told me maybe I should re-consider having a bilateral mastectomy. Oh, and by the way, whatever my surgery is, it's still scheduled for the 18th and can I decide what I want to do as soon as possible?

I met some amazing, inspiring, courageous women tonight in a breast cancer support group. I cried about how pressured I felt to come up with an answer so soon. I begged them to tell me how I will know my decision is the right one. "Believe me, you'll know", they said. I left feeling inspired by them but lost and doutful about myself.

On the drive home: epiphany. Oh, it's like Mexico.

So, I know what to do now. I need to take a break from making any decisions for a couple of days. I have more research I need to do. I am not going to worry about offending my doctors if I seek a second opinion. And one morning, I'll wake up, schedule the right thing, and then I'll let everyone else know about it.

Kind of like my hair... scheduled this last week and didn't tell a soul I was going to chop it off. It felt empowering to make a decision about something that affected me and nobody else. So, my happy thought of the day... a great haircut & amazing color (thanks, 'gelica!!)